"I don’t like the fine things you have, or the mask you wear to face the world. You lament how there is no such thing as love, and yet it’s everywhere—abundant, flowing, ever-present—but slipping past because you’re too opaque. Where to look? A luxury store? When you lunch at Sketch? Late nights at Loulou’s? I didn’t know you knew so many people who meant so much. I wish we'd met sooner, because I know you like my second skin, and the dream is that you’ll know me the same.
I was smiling yesterday, a rarity indeed, thinking about you as you are. Is it difficult to want you when you have everything? I prefer you with nothing. It was an empty blue room with peeling paint and leaves blowing in from the open window overlooking the hillside. A leaky roof over a wet stone floor, but I promise that’s all we would ever need. I sit here alone in a room full of pretty things, and yet I am nothing. Without your breath, I suffocate. Forgive me—is that too much? Why not push me a pill, so I might be as dead inside as you?
Ah, but that cold indifference walled up around your pride merely meant to hide your pain. I would see your pain exorcised through the sweat of our nine successive copulations. I dare not test your strength for a tenth. It’s warmer now with steam rising from the floor. It’s in this that I see the beauty of life. Our souls will be entwined forever, but it’s only here, right now, that I can truly touch you. In this form. In this way. And you are everything to me.
Who can love a mirage, you say? Fading. Escaping. Your sweat’s still stuck to my skin. I know that you exist. Dinner at The Ritz tonight? You do like making a splash with another, and another. Maybe one day, quality will betray quantity, and you will see me as I see you. Perfect—and all the more when you have nothing. I want you—hated. I need you— despised. Let there be no peace for you without me, because without you, I die one thousand times.
So how is this to go? I’ve the stamina for the tenth round, and with glutinous tantric delight, I will gratify you to numbness, with nothing suspended between us but a culmination of relief. When the silence settles, I can watch you breathe, knowing even in stillness you are my every wish fulfilled.
💙 Chris
