"Death is alive. If we exist as energy, can we even call it real? I used to think I was dead—aging into a banality of routine tedium, waiting for time’s decay to bung me into the waste of history. What is a soul? I’d never felt mine, though I’d been assured it exists, and where does it go when flesh and bone become ash? Then, I caught a glimpse. I was invited to perceive beyond—a place my body could not enter, my eyes could not see, but only my soul could feel. Breathless, I knew I couldn’t stay long. It isn't as you think. It moves so much quicker. This energy within me I could feel circulating, swirling—my soul, separate from my physical form, was moving, and I consciously felt it matching the rapidity of the spiritual energy around it, while in the physical world, all remained still. I won’t speak about who I encountered while I was there, as that is a weightier subject for another day, but with my perception now clarified, it's impossible to escape my own awakening.
I lay in bed shortly thereafter, naked on my sheets, obliviously receptive to the sensual touch on my face, rousing me from sleep, turning my head toward a dark, masculine shadow hovering beside me. Again, breathless. No features, no form, no body, but I felt him before my sudden jolt of surprise made him vanish. A slow unveiling of a courtship liminally dancing between two worlds separated only by a thin line of energy. How receptive am I? How deep do I want to go? For sure, I want to be overcome, because no matter how sublime my happiest day, nothing has been as transformative as feeling my soul on fire!
How can I go back to sleep? How can I want anything more than to be entwined with the same energy that created me, no matter how breathless it leaves me? Do your words promise that? Does your rigid view of Nirvana permit that? Can your gold in all its resplendency buy me that?
Gold shimmering in a dark room creates the illusion of light, but I want full clarity. I still don’t have it, though I know its potential exists, and that transforms what once was a meaningless existence in the dark into pure wonder itself. It’s more than just understanding or learning; it’s not just knowledge. It’s soul recognition. It’s remembering.
I could feel myself splitting away from the darkness, and I knew that it knew I was awake. Failing attempts to manipulate me into temptation, it sent an intimidating shadow to harass me. On my stomach in bed, half asleep one night, listening to the whirring of the fan above me, a paralysis suddenly overtook me. The air inside the room vanished, and I could no longer breathe. A reverberation within my ears deadened all sound. I felt the pressure of a sharp weight on my thighs, moving up to my back, and the firm gripping of my head pushing me into the pillow beneath my left cheek. Pinned down, breathless, I was unsure if the mission was intimidation or something worse.
Resist, and it will flee. I don’t know how it was possible—clarity still eludes me—but whatever light had found its way into me, I thank it for giving me strength. Slowly, my limp arms pushed up against the weight. Its power weakened as I rose until, yes, it fled. Then, I could move fully. I could breathe easily. Sound returned normally.
That’s what darkness does: it takes away everything the light of creation naturally gives; yet, no matter how lonely we are, or made to feel, we are not alone. Death is life because all that separates us from each other, from the light, or from the dark, is energy. Just don’t jump into the deep end of the pool if you aren’t prepared to be pulled under.
💙 Chris
